will
the latest crazy thing, that really takes the cake, is that before my dad left the state for the winter he re-wrote his will and sent a copy to my brother, and maybe to some of my step-siblings because some of them signed it as witnesses. i did not get a copy but i am just going to believe that God intercepted it because he knew i could care less about being in another will, and because he knew i am beyond wanting to deal with any more family drama.
so i get a call from my brother and he is at his wits end. already it has been difficult for him to have dad remarried because that means dad doesnt want to spend time with tyson’s family like when mom was alive. and dad’s new wife runs dad’s life, not tyson. thats been a crushing blow to tyson which i have been trying to help him come to terms with, since i have dealt with that aspect of dad my whole life. you arent a priority in dad’s life unless you go to his church, or your sleeping with him. ’nuff said.
apparently dad has changed his will to divide his assets (from him and my mom) between us kids AND his stepkids equally. if one of us dies, our grandkids are disinherited. the portion gets re-divided. on the other hand, our stepmom’s assets (from her and her deceased husband) will only be divided with her children.
obviously this is messed-up. but this is how dad operates. he wants to be part of his new family and considers them, perhaps, as important a priority or maybe more than tyson and i. this is coupled with his disinterest in our kids and his overwhelming interest in his new step-grandkids, who are mostly teenagers/young adults. for example, i cannot get thru a story about my kids without my dad interrupting to one-up-me with a story about his step-grandkids.
it has felt really good to tell tyson that i am not going to care much about my standing in dad’s will. i already have the relationship that produced whatever priority/non-priority he shows me. and therapy this year has helped me deal with that and let it go. his stupid will, which seems like a pathetic effort to be accepted by his new family, is not surprising. i dont want to fight for his affection, so i am not going to fight for what normally would be considered the estate of my mom-and-dad. his new kids can also wipe his butt when he is elderly. they will certainly earn their portion.
the good thing is that instead of guilting me into confronting my dad, and throwing me under the bus when dad gets pissed, my brother is taking it upon himself to talk to dad and ask what are we supposed to feel as the second-class benefactors in an unequal will. where the holdings he acquired not only WITH our mom but also as a result of her death are going to be given to adult step-children. where, if my dad dies first, we will get nothing. and his step-kids will get to vacation in AZ in a house my parents bought outright, and drive around in an RV my parents also bought outright, and go on fabulous family outings.
the other good thing is FOR ONCE tyson feels what its like to be disregarded by dad. he finally knows what i have been feeling for my whole life. invisible and insignificant, and annoying if i complain. he gets to be annoying this weekend when he has dinner and talks to dad. i cannot wait to hear what happens. i think it has brought tyson and i even closer. my rejection is not just because i was adopted, because dad is doing this to his own flesh and blood.